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Elaine who?

June 24, 2012

Elaine of Astolat – the one forgotten
(eclipsed by gorgeous Guinevere)
bards jostled, minstrels strained
to praise her beauty
frame her treachery
+++++++++I was the one forgotten

slandered Lady of Shalott
– he couldn’t even name my name
but cast me as a weaving shadow
lyrically embowered
luckless ivory-towered
+++++++++I was the one re-written

the not-so-glamorous unrequited one
pining for luscious Lancelot
who nursed (yes tendered) knightly limbs
smoulder frisson-fettle
slick fingers brazing mettle
+++++++++I was the one forgotten

a merlin, spook, fleck in his eye
negative retina imprecision
’twas I who had a tale to tell
no unresolving blur
shape- shifting, febrile slur
+++++++++I was the one re-written

but had I grace to glide through time
and facebook browsing hours to schmooze
I’d troubadour my digi-song
update my status
stall hiatus
+++++++++would jostle, network



Linking to the wonderful dVerse Poets ‘Poetics’ prompt – Logophilia 1 – 23.6.12:

From → Uncategorized

  1. As always your exquisite word choices entice. ‘lyrically embowered’ an inspired coupling, ‘frisson-fettle’ so apt, and ‘febrile slur’ downright enviable :). The diction creates an excellent atmosphere. Bravo, I leave reluctantly, wanting more!

    • Thanks, Anna – how could I not post for such a wonderful prompt! Thanks for providing the platform and, as ever, your enthusiasm.. 🙂

  2. very cool…the last stanza made me laugh out loud…so cool how you wove this together…and use of great words as well…which doesn’t surprise me cause you do this all the time..smiles

    • Brilliant… I was hoping for surprise in the final stanza..laughter is a bonus.. Thanks Claudia, great to hear how this is working for you.

  3. Enjoyed how you blended the past tale with the present Facebook digi world!

  4. negative retina imprecision….cool turn of phrase that….again glad i got off facebook…smiles….you are never forgotten there always someone showing up from your past…really a great use of language becky….as always…smiles.

  5. Oh, marvelous (in every sense)! I love Arthurian legend, and the fact that you blended it right into the Facebook generation is just terrific. So clever. Brilliant word choices: lyrically embowered, frisson-fettle, brazing mettle (ha!), the pun on merlin, negative retinal imprecision. Whew! Nothing imprecise here. A bravura performance. Thank you for this!

  6. Such a lovely write, historical awareness and her place in these times. What a historical juxtaposition, while along the way you give us all of those great knightly words and concepts. The voice is very strong, and I feel as though she’s come alive in your poem.

    • Thanks so much for that great compliment… very happy to hear she sounds ‘real’! She is of course… 🙂

  7. hedgewitch permalink

    Delightful, becky–the eternal woman scorned, revenged through ghosting through time and technology to lay the story out straight. Your refrain lines (“I was the one rewritten) are excellent attention drivers, refocusing after the lyric and descriptive interludes. Love especially that fourth stanza.

    • Something about having the last word hedge 🙂 And yes, the 4th stanza is also my favourite… thanks for dropping in – do appreciate your comments.

  8. LOL i was imaging a Tutor or Stewart kind of Lady, and it’s all a big metaphor for women in general, leading to the modern tweeter. as hedgewitch said, eternal woman…it never changes.

    bonus track

  9. slandered Lady of Shalott
    – he couldn’t even name my name
    but cast me as a weaving shadow

    That is gorgeous phrasing. Before I even got to that part that poem had done me in, the entire opening strophe and that refrain. It is wonderful and I love it. Name it among poems I would like to fuck.

  10. Like button!!! I’ll have to friend you on fb and get the rest of the story then! 🙂

  11. ‘kilsby’ is one its way to becoming an adjective, if not a verb

  12. Thanks everyone for your support and enthusiasm – so chuffed to know you’re enjoying this one.. 🙂

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