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Mirage

August 16, 2011

Natalya flicks her henna’d hips
unveils a sheisha melody
gyrates a chinking harmony

Natalya ripples tingling dips
froths musky dreams, oasis streams
full- blooming sandscaped YouTube scripts.

Oud-throated lust-grained litany:
Natalya whirls her henna’d hips.


Form: This is an octain, a form devised by Luke Prater (http://lukepraterswordsalad.com/). Eight lines as two tercets and a couplet, eight syllables per line with the first line repeated (as much as possible) as the last. Meter is iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but fine to just count eight syllables per line for those who prefer that.
Rhyme scheme – A-b-b a-c/c-a b-A

(A = repeated refrain line. c/c refers to line five having midline (internal) rhyme (eg. here/sneer), which is different to the a- and b-rhymes)

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28 Comments
  1. Was it easy or hard to write…

    • Good question… this one started as free verse.. two different versions… not entirely happy with either, so came back to the lovely octain. I prefer this kind of form.. room to breathe..but limits… took about thirty minutes to write as an octain, jiggling around with the language.

      Hope that answers your question. Thanks for reading…

  2. ha nice youtube ref…all on vid for the world to see…yet she is only a mirage compared to reality…

  3. Interesting and challenging form … I like the words “henna’d hips.”

    • Heaven.. it’s a lovely form.. one of my favourites… you must give it a go….. Good to see you again..

  4. YouTube scripts and henna’d hips..this is gorgeous becky!! now see…we both had a mirage in our poem today…smiles

    • Yes… I noticed that Claudia… must be that excess heat… 🙂

      Thanks for dropping in again…another great evening at dVerse… we’re gonna have to do this for real you know…

  5. “full- blooming sandscaped YouTube scripts” — now there’s a once in a lifetime occuring phrase I think! I LOVE it.

    I feel the heat and wild abandon in this one.

    Saw some henna work the other day, quite the work of art.

    • You’re right Jannie…. henna’s a living art… Thanks for your kind words… good to meet you here…

  6. Yo, wow. A lovely poem– as I wrote elsewhere, something’s in the water today with the abundance of erotic poems linked at dverse. xxxxj I’m at http://parolavivace.blogspot.com . xxxj

  7. Love how this sensuous piece developed to find its final form in the shape of an Octain Becky.

    Oud-throated lust-grained litany: – love this line.

    • Thanks, Julie… feel this one has found its rightful shape now… not sure why it wasn’t flowing as well in free verse… Good to see you here…

  8. Wonderful write, Becky! Loved the “spicy” imagery, and the form…though I’ve yet to attempt. If I could know it would turn out as wonderful as this I wouldn’t hesitate! Much enjoyed journey!

  9. Ah thanks Tash… this was definitely a bit of a journey… seems to work best for me in the Octain form.. You must give it a try…very poet-friendly.. 🙂 Good to know you enjoyed…appreciate your comments…

  10. Appreciated the great use of rhyme and yes youtube does make it easy for all the world to see, whether one likes it or not.

    • Thanks for reading Pat.. yes, the rhyme really helped.. was originally written in free verse, but believe this works better….

  11. Does Natalya ever visit Montreal? 🙂 Excellent write. Great POV, voice and delivery. I love the form too. Enjoyed this greatly.

    http://henryclemmons.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/i-just-dream/#comments

  12. hedgewitch permalink

    The form is very low key here, and the word choices are what stand out, whimsical and lively. Very nicely done.

  13. well done…I can picture her “henna’d hips” …feel the motion through the rhythm of your words.

  14. “full- blooming sandscaped YouTube scripts.”

    Love this!

  15. Love the spicy flow here… I too really liked the ‘full-blooming sandscaped YouTube scripts’ beautiful piece.

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