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August 13, 2011

Orange Jasmine Plant...

fair saturates
soft spoken Dubai dusk.
Slicks out the strident striving stench
of oil.

Oil balms,
charms, smooths out nomadic wrinkles
freeze-dried in shopping malls:
infusing fair

dVersePoets Poetics Theme: Urban

From → Uncategorized

  1. Evocative, smart, fascinating post-card of Dubai– I’m at — xj

  2. slicks out the stench of oil, nice word how you open and close with jasmine as well, a nice contrast in smell to the crude. line the flip of fair in the second and next to last lines as well…

    • Thanks Brian, good to hear your thoughts.. I like the cinquain for its economy.. this a mirror cinquain, which allows a return to the opening… although I don’t think an absolute repeat is required..

      Do you know the form? Mirror cinquains: a two stanza cinquain sequence of the syllabic pattern 2-4-6-8-2 2-8-6-4-2

  3. I have seen pics of the city as my sisters went there last year. You captured it well with a few words ~

  4. hedgewitch permalink

    Lovely alliteration, and smooth insinuating language mimics that jasmine breeze. The mirroring structure makes it feel as if it’s a form poem, but if it is I can’t place it. Regardless, a disciplined yet very free-feeling well-constructed poem.

    • Thank you for your kind words… yes, a mirror cinquain (a two stanza cinquain sequence of the syllabic pattern 2-4-6-8-2 2-8-6-4-2)… I love them!

  5. This was one of the first pieces I read of yours on the board Becky. I adore the way it so subtly changes from the sense of smell to the sense of touch. The oil segues the double cinquain beautifully.

    • Thanks, Carys…. and you know where I first saw the form…? Thank you for that inspiration…

  6. I love how you’ve married the city to a scent. I felt that way in Cairo with Blue Lotus. Only someone with so much experience in a place could distill its essence so well, thank you.

    • Hi Anna… long time since I was in Cairo… we have jasmine in our garden in Dubai, so will always be a strong association for me…. Appreciate your response…

  7. the power of smell, can conjure many memories of travel for people,

  8. Aida Bode permalink

    I need some of those oil balms too! You’ve delivered yet another great poetical trip for me and I’ve enjoyed it immensely 🙂

  9. Love all the poetic devices, BUT the voice is what I enjoy the most. Super. I could read anything you write. And I enjoyed this. Just the right amount of words. You put me right there. Actually a tough city to write, but great job.

    • Hi Henry.. thank you… happy you enjoyed the experience… I find cinquains a brilliant way of getting down to the essence…

  10. i have never been to dubai but heard a lot about it…a city of superlatives yet you captured it in such a personal way…i like it a lot becky

  11. Hi Claudia… thank you for this great prompt… yes, Dubai is a hard place to pin down… good to see you here…

  12. thank you ….not sure if I would like Dubai but love the smell of jasmine , loved your little sensation of a visit ….thank you

    • Thank you Kez… like most places, Dubai gets a mixed press.. has its good points..night jasmine being one…

  13. I can see, hear, taste, touch, and most of all smell this city! It makes me want to visit…

  14. I love the mirroring. Really beautiful piece.

  15. Thank you for your kind words…

  16. Beautiful words, the brief moment of a natural and chemical interaction really woven well in this piece. ~ Rose

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