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July 19, 2011

Cutting first midsummer lust I
filched him. Seduced by plectrum slide
I let long friendship come untied.

Stiletto seventeen: wild rye
to sow tonight, not yet contrite,
patchouli-fuelled rules apply

for crimson glow, a batt’ring tide.
Cutting first midsummer lust. Aye.


From → Uncategorized

  1. Linked to dVerse Poets Poetics theme 24.9.11: Play it Again Sam (repetition)

  2. Your opening lines got my attention: “Cutting first midsummer lust I
    filched him.”

    And Liz that young is lovely and seductive. Aye ~

  3. It’s always amazing to me how much you do with so few words, slicing, strumming, stealing, seducing, desiring all without contrition, or at least not yet for the young lover. Magnificent, the word choices and alliteration are 70% dark chocolate, heavenly.

  4. hedgewitch permalink

    An immediacy and intensity in the truncated phrases communicates the urgency and also tension of the substance–the devastatingly narrow focus of youth and lust in tandem–that second stanza opening is killer, and the repetition bookends the thoughts and neatly delivers the sum of the experience. An excellent poem, echoing the ruthlessness of self, not always confined to seventeen but certainly often exemplified there.

    • Thank you for that stunningly succinct summation of the content and your warm response.. very much appreciated.

  5. Very nicely done becky – this really delivers on the repitition front – after hedge i shall say no more – only that i agree hole heartedly

    Stiletto seventeen – adore this combo

  6. hmmmm….nice one becky….patchouli-fuelled rules…i remember the patchouli smell of my youth so well… ….tight & hot write…

  7. …. haha.. you too huh? Thanks Claudia….

  8. beautiful thank you x

  9. A wonderful compressed vignette– how quick and intense such moments are, how quickly they pass. xxxj

  10. Dark chocolate isn’t strong enough. I’d say a shot of tequila. Amazing, but your words are as potent as the image.

  11. You are fantastic at creating such lovely pieces with such few lines. I love your opening and closing lines about creating midsummer lust.

  12. The Octain is a wonderful form for the use of repetition. This is fab.


    • I agree about the octain, Beth. it really is one of my favourites… Thank you for your kind words.

  13. Hi Becky! you got me with your first line.
    And I really like the friendship being untied…
    Nice write 🙂

  14. “filched”. There’s a perfectly good word one doesn’t see in a poem very often!

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